(To Kaito, 15, and Alby, 13)
Boys,
After the incident on the water, I kept thinking about something uncomfortable.
Why did I feel, even for a second, like clapping?
A man lost control.
He chased a teenager.
He hit him.
He was arrested.
Violence is wrong. I know that. You know that.
So why did part of me feel relief?
Here’s the truth.
When rules don’t work, people feel powerless.
When warnings are ignored.
When bad behavior continues.
When those who follow the rules feel foolish.
Powerlessness turns into frustration.
Frustration turns into anger.
And anger looks for release.
When someone finally explodes, it can feel like justice.
Not because it’s right.
But because it feels like something finally moved.
That feeling is dangerous.
Because what we’re really applauding is not violence —
we’re applauding the end of helplessness.
There’s another layer too.
In many male environments, there’s an unspoken rule:
Don’t be disrespected.
Don’t be weak.
Don’t let it slide.
When someone crosses a line repeatedly,
the pressure builds.
Eventually someone thinks,
“If I don’t respond with force, I lose.”
But here’s what most people don’t see:
The teenager who ignored the rules
and the man who hit him
were both reacting, not controlling.
One was impulsive.
The other was overwhelmed.
Neither was steady.
Real strength is not reacting first.
It’s staying steady when your emotions are loud.
That’s hard.
Especially in groups.
Especially around other boys.
Especially when pride is involved.
But listen carefully.
When you lose control to anger,
you hand your power to someone else.
You become predictable.
You become easy to manipulate.
You become unstable.
And unstable things sink.
There will be moments in your life
when you feel ignored, disrespected, or frustrated.
You will feel the urge to prove something.
Pause there.
Ask yourself:
Am I reacting, or am I choosing?
There is a difference.
I don’t need you to dominate anyone.
I don’t need you to “win” confrontations.
I don’t need you to respond just because someone else did.
I need you steady.
I need you thinking one move ahead of your emotions.
Because the world has plenty of men who react.
It has far fewer who can hold the line inside themselves.
Be one of those.
You don’t have to clap.
You don’t have to explode.
You don’t have to prove anything.
Just stay in control.
That’s strength.
And no matter what happens out there on the water,
come home safe.
I love you both.
— Mom
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